Tuesday, January 31, 2012
@Zann: Oh gosh oh gosh Momo ♥ And ahhh. Did you read it for a reading assignment? It takes all the fun out of it. Brave New World is also a dystopian world that has lots to do with psychology and physiology, which are some of my favourite things in books. Also it seems to involve a concept I've been pondering about recently (in an entirely fictional context, of course). I'll tell you what I think of it when I actually read it!
I like walking back from school: it gives me time to think. And a daily 15 minute walk! Along a highway, yes - not particularly healthy - but I'll take it.
So anyway I was thinking about stuff and it made me want to write. Desperately. It also made me want to do a million other things (none of which I shall mention) but let's ignore that. But my unmovable writer's block is still sitting in front of my face and blocking my view from other things. I suppose it's because I have a million things to do, and as many of my coursemates put it: flying is our top priority. It's just something I put all my focus on. And in spite of the frequent and unbearable bouts of anxiety I feel before and during flight, flying relaxes me. So that's my number one solace as of now. I don't know, I want to write. But more than that I want to fly. I spend more time looking at the sky than I do in front of a piece of blank paper now, and that somewhat disorients me.
Okay moving on from writing and more onto what I was thinking of that triggered the sudden urge to write: I guess everything I do has the same premise, and that mildly scares me, because the premise just slid out of my grasp. Not that it ever was in my grasp, but today it fully evaporated. Before this it was ever-so-slightly tangible, but just today it completely vanished and that scares me because it's been... the premise. And there's a lot of things I needed to do and say and now my chances are all gone, and I regret not having taken them.
But you know what? I'm listening to Defying Gravity now and it's kind of. How I am. How I want to be? Or rather: Still... describes how I am. And I will try defying gravity. And you can't pull me down.
So though I can't imagine how, I hope you're happy right now
Oh gosh I want to fling my arms out and belt this song at the top of my lungs. I think I'll try defying gravity, and you can't pull me down~
Ahhh Still.... The magical sad song of hope and happiness that is always the perfect song to describe my feelings.
On another entitrely separate note: I wonder why I do this to you when I am so entirely against it. Is it because we're related? Sometimes I wonder if I mean it, and I realise that I sort of do. But it's not that I'm being hard on you, am I? It's not what you show me you are - it's what you don't show me you aren't. I usually don't say things like "please prove me wrong" but there's no other way to say this, so please: please, prove me wrong. I don't want to be right, and you're the only person who can prove me wrong.
I'm sorry ):
Why am I not blogging about orientation? I feel like I should even though I totally don't want to. I basically figured out that orientation manages to push all my buttons, and is basically a cumulationg of Things That Make Me Uncomfortable and is it really any wonder that I hate orientation? Things that I hate: forced sociableness, pretenses, getting to know people, people getting to know me, enforced and unwanted physical contact, and EATING IN A CIRCLE ON THE FLOOR. Lolol my squicks are weird. Also majorest: SECOND-HAND EMBARASSMENT. Ugh. Ughhhh. Why am I going?
It's strange because I know a lot of people who really love orientation, but everything about it just makes me feel miserable. Maybe I'm a skeptic, maybe I'm just a bitch, but I really really dislike orientations of any kind and I'm sorry but yea. It's just. Not my thing ):
Okay I'm just going to! Do stuff, then fandom :D yea sounds like a plan. I shall stop talking to all the people I'm talking to by like 0030 so I can idk, maybe if I've actually fandommed by then I can watch something! Oh, sounds like a great plan. Or maybe I'll prance around my room singing "AND I'LL TRRRRRRYYYYYY DEFYYYYYYYYING GRAAAAAVITYYYYYYYY~" That also sounds like a great plan. Amazing tbh.
Kiss me goodbye, I'm defying gravity, and you can't hold me down ♪
omg now I'm reconsidering getting tickets for Wicked. WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME.
It may have happened over half a year ago. Less, really. Maybe a quarter year ago.
But the effects are fucking scarring and I'm digging it up so I can think, and it's genuinely hard for me to handle myself right now. I can't hold myself together and I keep thinking this is so stupid (because it is) but I can't help it, it really scared me and that, obviously, was to your advantage.
And I hate how now everyone is using it, and they aren't even aware of how dire the effects are on myself. This isn't something which should happen to anyone, and in a sense, I'd rather it be me than anyone else. Especially because I know that if it hadn't been me, it would've been... I don't even want to think about it.
And it's just. I don't even know what to say about it. But I'm genuinely angry and upset now, why did I choose to think about this again? Oh, right, because all of you are forcing it to me again.
This is such an angsty post.
But basically? It's not funny guys, cut it. Because it seriously sucks and saying 'it hurts' sounds really immature sometimes, all the time, but it's the only way I can describe it and I just. This doesn't work out, okay?
:/ Fuck all of you.
In which I weakly fandom because, gdi, why did I dig up all that.
So like, 30 artists covered All You Need Is Love to raise money for Tohoku, and it's sort of like our newer, pop version of Home. Too many artists with too many different styles, and too much effort into switching up the song a little. I love these artists, and I adore its purpose but, the song's a little odd. It's not terrible though. Okay I just hit the part with the bunch of weird noises now it's bad. Okay yea dislike the ending, the rest is okay though.
Kuu has another top album but her sales are dipping crazy D: Apparently promos suck but she's had a lot of publicity for herself lately, and honestly is it able to cover the amount of work they put into it, inviting all these artists to feature and 17 PVs guys, 17. Hmmm. I'll see.
Lolol why is this so early. DSP Girls. I don't even know what DSP is doing anymore lol. Just read the comments. It'll be interesting to see how they do though, since they're debuting in Japan and Korea at the same time. Noted! Also: Prism. I get the feeling Avex girl groups are all the same LOL but maybe that's 'cos I always see E-girls, so I'll be watching for that too (:
OH GUYS NAKAI IS ACTING! As an autistic genius. Not genius per se, but great memory and deduction skills. Ahhh. I'd like to see Nakai try to pull this off, it'd be interesting. (Note to self: watch Marathon!) I'll probably catch this.
PVs! HA ONLY 2.
Fuyuzora - Matsushita Yuya
It's apparently a B-side but it has a PV? And omg SNOW. I once asked my mom "does it actually snow in Japan I never see snow in their dramas" and she was like "Japan snows they just don't like filming snow. Now, Korea likes filming snow. Every drama has snow." LOL I LOVE MY MOTHER. Also Yuya is so prettyyyyyy. Ahhh that chorus entry was nice. This is a boring PV lol but at least he's pretty? He looks a little like Jaejoong from some angles o.o The song's not bad! I like it. Okay the snow disappeared he's now in the streets with finely adjusted focus so you can see him and his very nice face but NOTHING ELSE LOL. It's like I walked into a disco with orange lights and took off my glasses. Omg his shoes are so cute. And there is still snow. Why does Japan not like filming snow? It looks pretty white. Not like their snow is grey so. If marketed right this boy could make it, not just as a singer but an idol. That may not be what he wants though and I respect that.
EveryBody JUMP!! - SUPER☆GiRLS
... Who? I suck at female idols. LOL okay they're very into this. Omg so cute HAHA I CAN'T. Their facessss. How many people are in this group, 12? Omg I want some of their hairstyles so much. LOL the jumping shots. SO HIGH HAHA. LOL AWK LEAPFROG SHOTS. Okay there is a lot of jumping in this haha it's quite cute! But they dance with GLEE AND ENJOYMENT in their expressions so! OH TAHT DANCE BREAK. It's quite good omg! For Jpop HAHA. Okay I have a Kinda Bias she sings the first part of the bridge! It's just. Her aura and her voice! HAHA. I AM SO QUICK WITH THIS.
And if I'm flying solo, at least I'm flying free
Labels: fandom: general
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